I’m in the heart of Amazonia in the middle of jungles. The thing I was going towards is just one step from me. Oh, it’s so tough to take the last step…

I found the right shaman who would make the wine of the dead for me. Carlos told and drew me a map with directions yesterday. I had to go down the Amazon river to the jungles. If I go according to the plan I’ll be there by the night.

I’ll go through the ceremony of ayahusca at night. Ayahuasca means “wine of dead” in Quechua.

I’m very nervous right now… That’ll be the most important exam in my whole life… My hands are shaking… I have been waiting for this moment for ages… I don’t know how ayahuasca will meet me…

I’ll pass out for couple days because of the “wine”… Then the shaman will bring me back… I’ll see the deep secrets of my brain and meet with all my demons during that time…

One of the guys who had that wine sad: “If the hell is like the one I saw I’ll start going to church”. And he started…

For some reason I thought I should be prepared for the meeting… I took a shower. Actually I spent pretty much all the time standing under the water and feeling each drop with each cell of my skin… I lathered and washed out the foam… Then I did it again and again… I didn’t want to go out of the shower… Then I thoroughly brushed my teeth and shaved… I stared at my face at the mirror… I’ve never seen that stare before… I noticed quite many wrinkles on it… The eyes expression was new… The sun was shining… Then I slowly started to pack my backpack. For some reason I wanted to spend too much time for that activity… I simply repacked my belongings for several times… My hands were very shaky… I just wanted to do that eternally… I guess that was the way prisoners felt during his/her last dinner… I had not eaten almost anything for several days in order to get prepared for the “wine”… It’s 13^th day of month… That’s my favorite date… It’s also Friday… It’s a good day to meet the other worlds… Okay, that’s it! Enough of writing! Go, go, go!

Carlos told me: “If you are ready to see your demons’ eyes and not go crazy then go!”…

I’m ready. I hope I’ll be back. I hope that’ll be Me.